---

When Food Becomes an Idol: My Journey of Surrender

This one is personal.
Very personal.

I’ve gone back and forth on whether to even share it, but I know someone needs to hear this. Maybe it’s you.

For years, I’ve battled the dark cycle of eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, and yes, gluttony.
That last word makes most of us uncomfortable, or embarrassed. It sounds “too indulgent, a gross sin” and you’d blush to confess to anyone.

But sometimes, we need to call things what they are.

Because I had to.

No more hiding behind softer words like food addiction or emotional eating.
The truth was, what I was walking in was a sin.
And a sin that was killing me.

---

The Idol That Devoured Me

It took a toll on me physically, mentally, and spiritually.
My immune system weakened, my body broke down, and I found myself constantly crying out to God for healing.

“Lord, please heal me,” I would pray again and again.
But in His gentle mercy, He showed me something I didn’t want to see.

God said, “I cannot heal you just so you can return to the idols that broke you.”

That stopped me in my tracks.

Because deep down, I knew it was true.
Anorexia was vanity.
Bulimia was fear.
Gluttony was all-out sinful pleasure and self-destruction.
And all had become idols in my life.

For over twenty-three years, I bowed to them.

---

When Healing Doesn’t Come Instantly

I used to think that if God really loved me, He would heal me right away.
Other people had testimonies of miracles, diseases vanishing overnight.
So why not me?

But the Lord was after something deeper.

God didn’t just want to heal my body.
He wanted to heal my heart.

He said, “I will walk with you through this, step by step. I will not abandon you in the process. But I will not make you whole again only for you to return to serving your flesh- and dying to it, eternally too.”

That changed everything…

He was awakening me to the reality that willful sin truly does separate us from Him eternally.

(1 Corinthians 6:9–10, Galatians 5:19–21, Revelation 21:8)

This sobered me. I started to pray: “God, help me see and hate sin as You do. Help me want to obey and abstain from it. I currently don’t want to, Fear from these rebukes will wear off over time, especially when temptations come. I need Your Holy Spirit to help me daily develop self-control, coming from a heart transformed by You, Your Word, Your power, not my willpower, In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

---

The Walk of Renewal

Healing, I’ve learned, isn’t always instant. Sometimes it’s a slow walk, one step at a time.

You’re really going to have to strive against falling back into sins, especially on the days you feel like crap. The days you feel you’re seeing not physical improvement in health and spirits of bitterness or hopelessness, or even the demon of disappointment tempts you to crumble into giving up and going back to your old ways.

But this is when you need to send out a spiritual SOS to the Holy Spirit. Cry out, even in frustration or anger, but cry out to Him. Ask Him to send you motivation or hope so you don’t concede to the spirits tempting and harassing you to give up.

Then choose (against your “feelings”) to let God teach you how to walk in healing, how to let His Spirit guide you in the smallest details—when to eat, what to eat, and even when to stop eating.

It became less about food and more about surrender.

Because every moment of eating or withholding had become an act of worship.
Either to God, or to my old idols.

pray over and bless every meal and snack, even if it’s just a quick prayer in your heart. Devote it to Him, so it loses its power over you, to tempt you to “take a bite and lose control”. It will be dedicated to God and therefore in His hands, so it cannot “get out of control.”

Romans 12:2 says, “Be transformed (changed) by the entire renewal of your mind.”
That’s exactly what He will begin to do—renewing your thoughts, reshaping your patterns, and retraining your mind to walk in truth. All while supernaturally protecting you form yourself (your carnal nature that fights to sin) and from demons trying to take advantage of your eating (or not eating) moments.

---

Steward, Not Owner

One day the Lord spoke something that went straight to my heart: “You are not the owner of your body. You are its steward.”

That hit me hard.

I had been treating my body like it was my own personal project, something to perfect, punish, or indulge.
But 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your body is the temple—the very sanctuary—of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you… You are not your own… you were bought with a price.”

He paid for this body. He owns it.

So whether I eat, or don’t eat, it must now be done in reverence to Him.

Don’t rush by that. Pause to meditate and then say a quick prayer of repentance and or surrender, giving back your body, His temple, to Him.

---

The God Who Walks With You

If you’re walking through this, please hear me. God is not standing far away, shaking His head at you.

God is right here. Offering to help you succeed. To heal, to live free with and for Him.
Right now.

And when you fall—and you probably will—get back up.
Don’t let guilt keep you on the ground. That’s the enemy’s trap.

God’s mercy is always greater than your failure.
His arms are open every single time.

Luke 17:4 says that even if someone sins against you seven times in one day and turns back saying, “I repent,” you must forgive them.

How much more does He forgive us?

Jesus shed His blood so that we could have access to that forgiveness
He died to make communion with Him possible.

So don’t let shame keep you away. Repent, come back, and walk with Him again.

---

Love That Breaks the Cycle

It’s love, not fear, that finally breaks the cycle.
Love for the One who calls your body His temple.

When the old thoughts whisper to me now, I remind myself, “I don’t want to hurt His heart.”

True Love changes everything.

Because love is stronger than compulsion.
Grace is stronger than shame.
And Jesus is stronger than every idol that ever enslaved us.

God will give you this love when you ask for it. Luke 11:13 says if we diligently seek, ask, knock to receive His Holy Spirit, He WILL give Him to us! Then we can love Him with His own love He gifted us! We need Him to love Him. The irony! “

---

Maybe your battle isn’t food.

Maybe it’s control, fear, or comfort in something else.

But the truth is the same.
God wants to heal you—and He will.
Not always instantly, but intimately.

He will hold your hand through every trembling step, and one day, you’ll realize you’re walking in freedom.

And all along, it was His love that led you there. ✝️

---

A Closing Reflection

If you’re walking through this battle, remember that God is not expecting perfection from you, in your own strength.
He is asking for surrender, so He can be your strength.

Healing begins the moment you stop striving and simply let Him love you.
When you bring Him your weakness, He meets you with His strength.
When you bring Him your failure, He meets you with His forgiveness.

And as you walk with Him—sometimes stumbling, sometimes crawling—you’ll discover that freedom isn’t a destination, it’s a daily walk with Jesus. And WITH Christ, all things are possible. DOn’t try to do this in your own power. repent, and seek His.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.”
—Matthew 11:28 (AMPC)

---

Prayer

Lord Jesus,
I repent of my broken patterns, my fear, and my (other) sins.
I have worshiped them instead of You,
but I lay them down now at Your feet.

Teach me to see my body as Your temple,
not my own possession but a vessel of Your Spirit.
Renew my mind, heal my heart, and lead me in truth.

Help me understand what it means to be a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to You.

When I fall, lift me again.
When I waver, remind me of Your love.
Let my hunger be for You above all else,
and let Your presence satisfy every empty place within me.

In Your holy name,
Amen. ✝️