Does God Really Indwell Us?!

What If the God of the Universe Wants to Dwell in You?

Could you really believe that?

Or maybe you want to believe it, but you’re floundering. You try, year after year, and it just doesn’t click. That was me—for decades.

It was supposed to flow naturally, effortlessly, right?

I grew up in the church, but ran from it as I got older. I knew so many verses. I could “quote the theology”. But the reality of God Himself dwelling in me? if I were really honest, it sounded like fantasy. But saying that sounded blasphemous or “unchristian”, so I’d just think to myself: “That happens to other people, not me… That’s okay, right?!”

If it ever did happen to me, it would look like Pentecost—a dramatic moment, tongues of fire, a supernatural event that couldn’t be missed. But it didn’t ever happen that way. I didn’t even speak in tongues (other than a childhood event, but that’s a story for another time). I didn’t have a godly aura shinning out of me (as I once witnessed illuminating out of a man who was renowned for casting out demons- but again, another story for another time), So I assumed: “Well, I guess I’m not filled with the Spirit.“

The Struggle of “Not Getting It”

The Bible says in John 14:23, “If anyone loves Me, he will obey My word, and My Father and I will love him and make Our home in him.”

1 Corinthians 3:16 says, “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that His Spirit dwells in you?”

Beautiful verses. Powerful promises. But they felt like they were for the “big Christians”—the Billy Grahams, the Charles Spurgeons. Not me.

I wanted to believe it. I really did. But when I looked at my life, it didn’t play out that way.

I wasn’t Paul. I wasn’t Peter. I wasn’t dropping tissues on people and watching them get healed. So I concluded: Obviously, I don’t have the Holy Spirit.

And so I kept floundering. For decades.

Trying to Do It All in My Own Strength

I told myself I was good with God. If someone asked me, “Are you a Christian?” I would say yes. But when it came to the deeper question—Am I really saved?—that’s when doubt would stab at me.

There were days when demonic attacks hit so hard —terrifying night paralysis, audibly growling and physically engaging dark manifestations, tormenting thoughts of suicide—that I honestly didn’t know. I didn’t feel safe. I didn’t feel sealed.

So I worked harder. I put myself on a religious leash, doing my best to keep up appearances- as much to convince myself as others- to obey, to measure up. But it was all in my own strength. And if you’ve tried this yourself, you know how it goes: eventually, you crumble. The willpower runs out.

Especially when the demonic attacks come, or temptation flares up, or life throws something heavy at you—you fall apart.

And that was me.

Burnout and Walking Away

I kept reading verses like Romans 8:1, 4 (NKJV)

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit… that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”

I’d read that and think how I wanted that assurance of “no condemnation” because, wow, did I feel condemned and fearing hell. My assurance of salvation was thin as tissue paper.

After about fifteen years of living this way, I burned out completely. I gave up trying to “make it work.”

I walked away from God and indulged the world. I did what the world offered. And it was empty. So dark. So miserable. I hated it. The demons that haunted me just gained stronger holds on me.

I realized: I have to go back. I have to figure out how to make this faith real, because I cannot take this demonic torment and everything else is pointless.

Scripture Without Root

When I came back, I dove into Scripture and prayer even more. Especially because the demonic attacks hadn’t stopped—I wanted deliverance, I wanted safety, I wanted answers.

But still, God’s Word wouldn’t take root. Just like in the parable of the sower:

• The seed would get stolen by the birds (demonic lies snatching away the truth).
• Or thorns—the cares of this world—would choke it out.
• Or my own flesh would rise up and win.

Sometimes I would read the Word, and instead of surrendering, I would resist it because it meant giving up something my flesh wanted. I repeatedly chose my flesh or caved to demonic  threats or tempations, and of course it bit me in the butt.

And so, again and again, I circled back to the same haunting question:

Does the God of the universe really want to dwell in me? Really? HOW?

It still felt out of reach.

The Breaking Point

It wasn’t until my body itself was breaking down that I finally surrendered. I gave up the carnal behaviors I had clung to. It forced me to surrender and accept Jesus’ offer of authority to stand up to the harassment and threats of the “familiar spirits” that had acted as Puppet masters since I was about 3 years old.

I gave up trying to make it work in my own strength, because I had none left. I was truly at the verge of physical death.

Then the Holy Spirit broke through revealing He had been with me the whole time.
Every step. Every struggle. Every season of floundering. He wasn’t waiting for me to manufacture some spiritual event. He was waiting for me to surrender in trust, to rest in Him, and obey. To let Him do what I never could: Win.

We win because of who HE is.
Not our efforts.

He led me to Romans 7:25:

“Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

That verse broke it open for me.

The Simple Choice

It wasn’t about a dramatic Pentecost moment. It wasn’t about being a “super Christian.” It was “With my mind” – a mental choice. A choice to concede and allow Him to have me fully so He could work fully through me.

I was never able to bear the burden of being righteous before God – Only Jesus can do that! I simply had to accept His free grift of grace and submit myself, my will, my choices fully to being His. To live “Not my will be done, but Yours, God.”

That realization stripped away all the spiritual “woo-woo” that confused me. I finally saw:

• My flesh will always want to sin, but that doesn’t make me a sinner. Because the temptation itself isn’t the damnation.
• Acting on temptation is the sin.
• The Spirit gives me discernment and power to choose correctly.

And the choice is mine.

To read the Word. To believe it. To obey it in faith.

To pray: Holy Spirit, I believe in You, I trust You. Please empower me to do as You’re guiding me to. I can’t do it on my own. But You can.

And He does. If we concede and choose to obey His still small voice.

Grace at the Center

Of course, even this choosing is grace.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

(Ephesians 2:8–9)

Even our ability to believe comes from God.

Jesus said in John 6:44, “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him.”

So even when we make that choice with our mind, it’s still Him who drew us, Him who gives the faith, Him who sustains and empowers.

Final Thoughts

This truth finally demystified what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. It’s not about some ecstatic event reserved for spiritual giants. It’s about daily choice, daily surrender, daily obedience, all under God’s grace.

I share this because I spent decades floundering, and I don’t want you to stay stuck like I was.

If any of this resonates, if you’ve wrestled with the same questions, I’d love to hear from you. How has Christ revealed His Spirit to you? How has He shown you what it means to be His dwelling place?

We grow stronger as the body of Christ when we share our stories.

God bless you, friend.